The Mellowdy Implant

Abstract

This epistolary fiction, in the form of a first-person account written to an unnamed correspondent, describes the author’s recent acquisition of the Mellowdy implant, a futuristic technology which appears to function like a music streaming service wired directly into the brain (the mindstream, responding in real-time to physiological signs and shifting algorithmic trends). Through the voice of the hapless author, various considerations—musical, sociocultural, political, economic—are touched upon, inviting the reader to ruminate upon the potential impact of such a technology; how this hypothetical future comments upon the place of music in our present-day society and how it interfaces with, and is transformed by, technology; and where we locate the meaning within musical spaces. It is hoped that these provocations may draw attention to the critical importance of considering music from multiple perspectives.

Body

Yo. Finally got my Mellowdy implant. It’s AMAZING! I’ve had it on seclusion mode all day — blissful isolation. It’s the weirdest thing: I’ve read all it about it online, but it’s something else hearing the mindstream pumping directly through your brain. The system knows my listening history from the Mellowdy app, but within a few minutes it was already starting to change the game. I thought Warmplay’s records were perfect — the implant knew better. OF COURSE they need less yacht-rock and more techno. By the time I arrived at work, I’d experienced Warmplay as they always should have been. And I’m the only one who knows! How mint is that? It’s like having earbuds in your brain, and they’re alive. Somehow the algorithm works in response to your physiological signs, pushing the music in just the right direction for the moment. So in a way, this is my music. If your body responds super favourably, there’s even a chance that the mutant tune will make its way into the Mellowdy database and find its way into other people’s mindstream too. I guess that makes me a ghost writer?

After the initial costs of the implant, the whole thing is free. Absolutely nuts. I mean, you tick the little box, terms and conditions, blah blah blah. Some folks have been moaning about subliminal advertising — it’s baked into the system. The company doesn’t try to hide this though; it’s what keeps it free (there’s even the option to monetise, ‘work whilst you listen’: living the dream!). My mate Jer swore that Shed Earan’s latest song convinced him he needed a slushy machine. When it appeared in my stream (which happens a lot after talking about Mellowdy with people), it just sounded like the same old drivel to me. I mean, there was that high profile case about the woman who’d peeled her grandparents to death with a collection of newly acquired kitchen utensils and the defence claimed that her entire Mellowdy stream had morphed into Puccini operas with celebratory libretto based on True Crime podcasts. But bad eggs always gonna go bad, as far as I’m concerned. Can’t blame these companies for every little unfortunate quirk of human nature, not when they do so much for us. How can people complain when it’s literally impossible to feel bored? ‘No more boredom! Just precision neural realignment in lossless fidelity maintaining peak contentment at all times.’ They need a medal, not a load of Flat-Earthers off on another bender.

I haven’t had a chance to try many of the live features yet, but I’m pretty stoked. The system ‘autotunes’ and ‘quantises’ in real-time, and it can even switch genres. I passed a busker earlier today, dude with a guitar (he’s part of the local wallpaper), so I tried him on Pelvis Resley mode. It was SWEET! I stuck around for his rendition of ‘Nothing but a Ground Hog’ and then pinged him a couple of quid. Guy seemed pretty chuffed (the system works!). But the best thing will be actually getting to play. Jer and I have been meaning to start a band for a while, but neither of us are particularly good. Now that we’ve both got the implant, we can just turn the real-time unblemish mode to max, pick a style, and bob’s your uncle, we’ve got a shit hot band. Joe wants to do Dylan covers; I haven’t told him that I was hoping to go more Meshuggah… That’s the beauty of Mellowdy: we’ll both be playing (sort of) and hearing exactly what we want to, and we’ll have a cracking time together. Isn’t that what music’s for?

I heard about an amateur orchestra who were sponsored by Mellowdy. They all got implants for free. When you go to their concerts, not only can you choose whichever symphony you want to hear (and even which orchestra to model it on), but also each musician will be rocking their own repertoire selection. According to a Mellowdy column online, during one of these events last year, there were 488 symphonies ‘played simultaneously’ (405 in the audience and 83 in the band). The system has to work some heavy magic to make all the visual elements and piece lengths correspond (like repeating bits, or turning quick sections into slow ones), but the reviews were mostly raving.

There’s a growing movement of self-titled ‘Anti-Mellows’ (snore) who picket implant centres, expose Mellowdy-endorsed artists, ‘musically’ disrupt live events (which is dumb, as we just correct them right into our streams), and put on ‘Mellowdy-free’ gigs where they can revel in their mediocrity. Luddites! Why should we all have to listen to spotty teenage wannabes barely scraping through when we can just skip ahead a few years and hear them as a much better band? All that wasted time butchering their instruments — why not get a job instead?!

There’s been a rumour circulating about the next Mellowdy update. Apparently they’re expanding to speech. Sounds pretty far-fetched, but you’ll be able to tweak your conversation settings to put on political filters and stuff like that, as well as adjusting your tone for different situations. Maybe it can stop me putting my foot in it all the time! I guess this means if someone’s spouting off at you about the latest mainstream fearmongering, the implant will fix them right up, and your responses too (assuming you’re both rocking the Mellowdy - otherwise they’d hear me giving totally nonsensical responses)? I’ve got automatic updates switched on, so I’ll find out soon enough.

Permeable mode on now (or ‘Boss mode’, as I like to call it). Speak again soon. It’s been real.